How To: Make Your Own Adult Toy

Happy Thursday, Singles! I made you some presents. I had an idea for an article about making your own adult toys quite a while ago, knowing that I would then have to make them.

So I did a little research, found some ideas, and then promptly forgot about them, until my boyfriend reminded me, late last night. He also helped me summon the materials from the ether of our apartment.

DIY Adult Toy for Penetrating: Mrs. Pringles

“I am not having sex with that,” he said, when I pulled out the Pringles can.

“Why not?”

“I don’t want jalapeno dust on my you-know-whatsit.” I hadn’t realized they were jalapeno flavored, although that is the most superior flavor of Pringles.

“But it means she’s muy caliente!” He didn’t believe me.

In addition to the can, I used a hair tie, two sponges, and a rubber glove I had leftover from some hair dye.

Mrs. Pringles was easier to put together than I thought. I just put the glove between the two sponges, then crammed the whole thing down the Pringles tube. Then, I rolled out the top of the glove down, sort of like a condom, and rubber-banded it over the top of the can. It's important that this love is either latex or nitrile (like the female condom). PVC will tear too easily

When I first stuck a finger in Mrs. Pringles, she was softer than I had thought she would be. But for whatever reason I find myself making another Mrs. Pringles sometime (hey, you never know), I’ll probably use softer sponges. The ones I used were just your everyday green and yellow scrubby sponges and they felt a little course. I’d probably end up  stuffing something soft, like socks, down the rest of the tube so that there’s a little more structure. The sponges kept sliding down, but they pretty much stayed with the glove.

The quality of the sponges was improved substantially when I got them a little wet (wow, I am not mature enough to write this) and put them in the microwave for thirty seconds. I had to put them in their own rubber gloves to prevent them from leaking and ruining the Pringles can. But I was still pretty satisfied with my handiwork. A little lube in the glove, and she felt almost like a real girl. I mean, as close as you can get with crap laying around the house.

The glove had a small problem with filling up with air when I would stick my fingers down her spicy goodness, and one time when we decided to get kinky, she popped. But re-adjusting the glove fixed that.

So, I guess it’s true what they say about Pringles. Once you pop… the fun don’t stop.

Unfortunately, boyfriend still didn’t want to give Mrs. Pringles a go (I even cleaned out the jalapeno dust!), and neither did any of our male sexperts at Condom Depot. Plus I sort of need those sponges back.

DIY Adult Toy for Penetration: Mr. Freeze

If this isn't the shadiest goddamn picture on the web...

The ice dildo was.

Well.

It was very cold.

Out of all the condoms I have in my apartment, we couldn’t find an non-lubricated condom, so have fun picturing me trying to fill a lubed up condom with water. It was even worse trying to tie the damn thing up. We should’ve taken video, or at least paired it with a Yackety Sax soundtrack.

I had to hold the condom pretty tight on the faucet to keep it from spraying everywhere (again, not mature enough).

Unlike Mrs. Pringles, Mr. Freeze was very straight forward (really?). We put him in the freezer for a few hours. At one point, I pulled him out too early and broke the half-frozen ice inside the condom in half. Boyfriend looked like he was going to cry.

After Mr. Freeze was done freezing, I pulled him out for examination. He was pretty solid, but because I’d had to tie the condom up, he ended up pretty small. Sorry Mr. Freeze.

“You should use it,” Boyfriend said, as we gazed together at Mr. Freeze’s pathetic package.

“It’s so cold,” I could barely hold it still for a picture.

“Well, either you use it and it turns out to be really awesome, or we have A Christmas Story moment and I’ll have to call the fire department. Either way, it’s going to be pretty entertaining.” That’s fair.

MRS. PRINGLES?! MR. FREEZE?!! NOO!

I did attempt to use Mr. Freeze. I didn’t get too far. In fact, I didn't even take off my pants. The intense cold was really off-putting, especially when it’s been so chilly lately. He might be better reserved for an unbearably warm day, or maybe paired with a warming-sensation condom, although the friction of the two condoms together might be a problem.

There are ways to make slightly more professional homemade sex toys out there, but maybe we’ll save those for another day. For now, I learned a lot from my evening building sex toys. Mostly that I can't fit my entire fist in a Pringles can.

[Thanks to buildavagina.com for the instructions on Mrs. Pringles.]