Keeping Dry While Squirting

You did it. You figured out how to squirt (or how to make your partner do it). But now every time you have sex, all surfaces are soaked through. You/your partner have become a veritable firehose and it's getting to the point where something needs to be done about it.

squirting header

Some people find squirting to be embarrassing as it’s kind of a hassle to clean up after sex, especially when you just want to bask in the post-coital afterglow or snuggle up with your boo. Worrying about having to throw the sheets in the wash right away, or making sure it didn't soak through to the mattress can be troublesome. And if you've used lube or toys, or you have your partner's ejaculate to worry about too, there's even more to clean up! So, how are you supposed to stay dry?

Rubber Sheets

rubber sheets

Oh, rubber sheets. Bringing back the sticky feeling of shame for all the former bedwetters of the world it can be hard to make these sheets feel like they belong in the world of sexual delights. But they’re less conspicuous than a straight-up tarp, and they won't leak like a towel or blanket.

The downfall to using rubber sheets (or a rubber bedliners--Target has some good ones that'll only run you about $15) is that you might not want it on your bed at all times. Which means that spontaneous nooky becomes a little less spontaneous. The lights dim down, a hand goes on a leg, and then BOOM!

"Lovebear, can you grab the rubber sheets?"

"Ok, well, you strip the bed first."

"Make sure you get it all the way around the mattress. We don't want a repeat of last time!"

If rubber sheets are your jam but you’re not into the rubbery feeling, throw a washable blanket over the top. Preferably something soft and snuggly to get rid of that daycare nap-time feeling.

Towels and Blankets

towels and blankets

Towels are made to be absorbent. But that doesn’t always mean they are. Pour a cup of water directly on to a towel and it’s definitely going to soak through. But don't be discouraged if you find a wet spot beneath even your towel-- try doubling up, or even tripling up. A squirter friend of mine shared that it took three, folded towels to keep her sheets dry.

Fluffier blankets could also work well, provided, once again, that there are layers. Some couples keep a specific blanket just for squirting on. There are even companies that make squirter blankets, but their efficiency has long been a topic of debate in the sex positive community.

Sleeping bags have also been recommended. Absorbent on the inside and water-proof on the outside, just unzip it and flip it inside-out for optimal coverage. Just remember to toss it in the wash immediately when done. No one wants to be haunted by old pussy stank while camping some months down the line.

Yoga Mat

yoga mat

Are you into stretching? Like, really into it? Toss a yoga mat down on the bed. These mats provide a no-slip surface for sweaty yogis, and if you're a low-level squirter, they may be enough to keep everything dry. Plus, they're pretty comfortable to lay on top of, and they're super easy to clean with some water and anti-bacterial soap. Voila! You're ready for class tomorrow morning and no one will be the wiser.

Pads

pads

A number of online forums suggest going to the pet store and purchasing puppy house training pads. They might be the most unglamorous solution but they're super absorbent and a great way to keep everything clean and dry, plus they're disposable, so you don't even have to worry about washing them out for re-use. Again, you may want to throw a comfy and washable blanket over the top to keep things cozy and romantic, and do your best to ignore the plastic crinkling noises.

Hard Surfaces

hard surfaces

When all else fails, it might just be time to switch up locales. Need an excuse to screw in the kitchen? Linoleum doesn’t absorb water, and neither do kitchen tables. Check out our list of "Five Positions to Spice Up Eating Out" for more ideas!

Or try the bathroom. A streamy shower can be the best place for a squirter-- everything washes down the drain, and a nice hot shower is the best way to finish a lengthy sex session, if you are able. Even a bath is a great way to make waves with your partner.

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