DIY Lube Wrestling
Like trying to pick up a wet watermelon seed, grappling with a lubed-up opponent is an extremely comical challenge, as the sheer viciousness of lube makes it nearly impossible to remain standing.
Sure, you can purchase costly lube wrestling kits online, but they have little to offer when it comes to DIY lube wrestling safety, tips, and tricks. Read on to learn more!
The Wild World of Japanese Lube Wrestling
This summer in Japan, The Sex Lube Grand Athlete Meet was held. It was a themed olympics where competitors battled it out for victory all while completely covered in personal lubricant. Clothes were mandatory and participants got down and dirty with such events as lube wrestling, relay races, tug of war and curling.
This recent resurgence in overseas lube wrestling got me waxing nostalgic for my former amateur messy wrestling days here in the States. So, I compiled this helpful article for those who are interested in hosting their very own lube wrestling event or party. If lube wrestling isn't your bag, check out out other DIY (do-it-yourself) articles: 'Diving into the Realm of DIY Lube,' and 'DIY Erection Rings.'
And now, without further ado, here they are-- the do's and don't of DIY lube wrestling:
Choosing your Lube
Unless you want to spend all weekend Removing Lube Stains, the best lube for lube wrestling is plain water-based or silicone-based lube. By plain, I mean no warming, tingling or cooling lubes. Generally, these feel fantastic during sex, yet pretty awful when they come into contact with a face. When it comes to lube wrestling, less lube features equals less tears and more fun.
Lube can get a bit pricey, which is why I recommend having guests BYOB or chip-in for supplies by paying at the door. But, as someone who has wrestled in a few different substances, including Jello-- I can can that lube is the hands-down winner when it comes to wrastlin.’ I can also say that one lube wrestling event raised four-figures for charity, so it is possible to turn a profit, if you're so inclined.
So, the extra money is well worth the result. A couple of gallons of Wet Original or liters of Pjur Original will be enough. Don’t use it all at once… as it’ll get sloshed out the sides if the level is too high. Add another gallon or so after each match instead, to maintain a consistent level of lube. It’s also advised to have contestants wipe off excess lube before exiting the ring, to conserve lube.
Setting Up the Lube Wrestling Arena and Addressing Safety
Kiddie pools, inflatable rafts, slip ‘n slides, painters sheets and tarps all add their own unique element to the lube wrestling experience. Of course, the people involved are what make the magic happen, but setting the stage correctly can lend itself to a good time or to disaster. Due to the extreme magnitude of this messiness, it’s always best to hold the lube wrestling competition outside.
This means you want all rocks, roots and other pointy debris to be removed from the general area to prevent injury. It’s also best to have a ref of sorts with a whistle who will stop the match in the event of an injury, as blood will permanently contaminate the lube. Wrestling with any open wounds is also not safe or recommended. And, having a first aid kit and some makeshift ice compresses around is always smart.
I do not recommend for any intoxicated people to participate in the wrestling event itself, so if you’ve been drinking, it’s safer, and just as much fun, to stand back be a spectator. Even with all the safety measures in place, the lube wrestlers may end up looking like you have '20 Telltale Injuries from Sexual Activities,' so make sure everyone is fully aware of this before participating.
Make sure you clear the event with your neighbors (if you have any) as this can be a raucous affair, indeed. Check with your local noise ordinances and plan accordingly. Word tends to to spread fast, so accommodate for extra parking as well.
Capturing the moment can be a challenge, as projectile lube will be flying around, spraying clear liquid bullets, ready to splat your precious camera/video/phone screen at any given moment. Did you know you can waterproof your electronics by putting them in a condom and tying a knot in the end? Non-lubricated ones work the best.
Prepare for the After-Party Mess
I can speak from personal experience when I say-- expect lube to be in every pore, crack, crevice and every orifice of your body afterwards. I’ve had lube in my eyes, in my ear canals, in my belly button, etc. However, unlike my bout in chocolate pudding, the water-based lube was pretty easy to remove and didn’t ruin a whole bathroom’s worth of white grout and towels. Pjur Med Clean is designed to deep clean and remove lube, if you need some extra help saving that bathing suit or bathmat afterwards.
Nonetheless, lube is one of the slipperiest substances on the planet and care should be taken to prevent slip and fall accidents. I strongly recommend rinsing off with a hose or outside shower before traversing to the bathroom. Showers with a bar are also safer, so if one of those are available, note that beforehand, and designate that bathroom for clean up.
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