Buying condoms always awkward

The Ohio University Post
Buying condoms always awkward

by The Post Editorial Board

Being better safe than sorry isn't always easy.

Though many sexually active people buy condoms and pride themselves on being safe, the actual act of buying condoms hardly becomes less awkward over time.

Let's play-by-play the first condom purchase: 1.) You keep peeking down the aisle to make sure no one else is down there who you know or might know at any time in the future who could possibly relay to any of your family members that you are, in fact, about to make sure you have safe sex.

2.) Once the coast is clear, you make your way to the multi-colored boxes and quickly grab any box in an effort to be as nonchalant as possible.

3.) You pick up other items -though you don't need them -on the way to the cash register, so you can hide the forbidden box from the clear view of other customers.

4.) You finally make your way to a cashier in your generation -you're lucky if your first condom purchase was in the days after self check out because you got to avoid this step altogether.

5.) You avoid eye contact and hope for no price checks or corny cashier jokes that could only further prolong the process, making you home free.

Guess what ... even after a couple years worth of condom purchases, it's still hard to confidently walk in a store, head straight for the condom aisle, take your time to look for the kind you want, carry the package through the store as if it was nothing more than a tube of toothpaste and check out without turning red.

Let's be honest. When walking down the aisle with toothpaste, you probably don't assume people around you are thinking, "Wow, she's protecting herself from gingivitis!" But, with a box of condoms, it's hard not to feel like everyone is staring and thinking, "Wow, she's gonna go get laid tonight!" Needless to say, these two are not the same.

This weekend, however, was the worst condom-purchasing experience I have had so far. On my way back from home to Athens, I stopped at Target to pick up a few things I needed -Crystal Light, toilet paper, Post-It notes, Diet Pepsi, sun glasses and, last but not least, condoms.

I was in a rush to make it back in time for a meeting, so I rushed through the store, grabbed what I needed and hurried to a cashier -as referenced above, a cashier about my age. As I was waiting in line, just my luck, the lane next to me opens and I hear the shaky but cheerful voice of a woman old enough to be my grandmother say, "Here, hon. This lane's open. I can help you over here." After unfortunately making eye contact, I couldn't turn down her offer so I steered my cart to her aisle and started putting things on the belt. She smiled and pleasantly got halfway through a, "How are you today?" before changing her tone as she picked up the box of condoms and gave me a dirty look as she scanned them. It was all downhill from there.

On my way out the door, the alarm went off, sending the nearby security guards to start riffling through my bags. What seemed like forever later, the condoms were desensitized, and I was finally free.

With this behind me, I figure that no matter how embarrassing my future condom-buying experiences might be, they can't be any worse than this weekend's. And I'd still rather be a little sorry for the sake of being safe in the long run.